Kurloz is a Motherfuckin' Asshole
by lilywhitlockhaletheblackrose
Summary: Tavros has been missing all Summer, he lost a lot in an accident, but now he's back and Gamzee finally realizes how he feels about Tavros, it all makes sense now... and Kurloz had known the whole motherfuckin' time! And hadn't said anything, motherfucking asshole. Companion piece to Motherfuckin' Miracles, but you don't have to read them both. Humanstuck.


Disclaimer: Heh, nah.

So this is a sort of companion piece to my other Homestuck fanfiction _Motherfuckin' Miracles_, however, you don't really need to read that one to get this one, it's just more of an in depth look at something that was mentioned in that one, Humanstuck.

Warning, it kinda went one way and then started going the way I intended in like the second half… but whatever, the title won't make sense until the end either… sorry?

* * *

'YoU rEaDy FoR sUmMeR MoThErFuCkEr? HoNk ;o),' the text had left the small boy to giggle quietly as he waited for the final bell to ring and signal his escape from the prison that is middle school forever…

'tOTALLY, THIS SUMMER IS GOING TO BE,,, uH, A MOTHERFUCKING MIRACLE,,, uH, HONK? }:o),' the Latino replied quickly shoving his phone in his pocket and jumping up to race out the doors for the last time as the final bell of the school year rang to release the students for the summer

'HeY lOoK, yOu HaVe My NoSe! HoNk :o) YoU wAlKiNg HoMe ToDaY, tAvBrO? WaNnA hAnG oUt LaTeR? ThRoW sOmE sIcK rHyMeS, dRiNk SoMe FaYgO, pLaY sOmE gAmEs? HoNk :o),' the boy smiled shyly at the text as he checked what his friend had sent back to him, chewing his lip and frowning a bit the boy replied,

'uH, sORRY gAMZEE, }:o( bUT I, uH, i CAN'T, I HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH aRIDIA, tEREZI, AND, uH, vRISKA, aND THEN rUFIOH IS PICKING ME UP AND, uH, TAKING ME OUT FOR DINNER TO CELEBRATE ME FINISHING MIDDLE SCHOOL AFTERWARDS, uH, sORRY, }:o( uH, mAYBE ANOTHER DAY? i MEAN, WE HAVE ALL SUMMER, RIGHT? }:o),' the boy frowned lightly as he turned down his friends offer, but he was actually pretty excited about getting to go out to dinner with his older brother, Rufioh, things had been pretty hectic lately and he was still just happy to get to just hang out with his brother, they had been separated for about two years after their parents had been killed in an accident, and Rufioh had been denied permission to keep in contact with Tavros, the Makara brothers, Gamzee and his older brother Kurloz, had been a huge help during that time, helping to deliver secret letters between the two Nitram brothers up until two years ago, when Rufioh turned 18 and was granted custody of Tavros

'No MoThErFuCkIn' PrObLeM, tAvBrO, hAvE fUn WiTh YoUr BrO, wE cAn HaNg ToMoRrOw, Or WhEnEvEr YoU'rE fReE, sUmMeRtImE iS a MoThErFuCkIn' MiRaClE :o) HoNk,' the clowns easygoing nature and understanding definitely helped the younger boy not feel so guilty,

'tHANKS gAMZEE, i'll, uH, TEXT YOU AFTER, OKAY? }:o),' the boy replied quickly happy that the clown wasn't at all upset by the boy's plans with his brother

'CoOl, CaTcH yA lAtEr, TaVbRo :o) HoNk,' Tavros smiled as he saw the text and looked up to see Aridia, Terezi, and Vriska waiting for him, replying quickly he ran to meet up with them so they could start and hopefully finish before Rufioh arrived to get him…

'lATER gAMZEE }:o) hONK'

* * *

How did he get here? Where even was here? Wasn't he just following Vriska? Where did she go? _Ow._ Okay, so moving hurt… well everything hurt… except his legs… he couldn't really feel those, well his thighs hurt, like they'd been scratched up, but he couldn't really feel much else, he should probably be thankful about that, they would probably be hurting too… what time was it? Was the sun that low a second ago? He hoped Rufioh wasn't looking for him, he'd feel really bad, they had both been so excited about going to dinner tonight… he hoped Gamzee wouldn't be too upset if he didn't text him later… his whole body was starting to go numb like his legs now, he wasn't sure if he should be worried about that… at least he doesn't hurt so much now… everything was going kinda fuzzy too… and he was getting really sleepy… a little nap wouldn't hurt too much right…? It would just be a short one…

"-an yo- hea- me -nny?," What was that? Was it Rufioh? What time was it? Who was that? Why did their voice sound so far away…? Wasn't he still at the park with Aridia, Terezi, and Vriska?

"I nee- y-u -o op-n -our eye-." What? Open his eyes? Um ok, he could try… _Ow._ That light was really bight and it hurt… wait… what they doing to him? Why did they keep touching him?

"Ther- 'ou go, com- -n, jus- keep 'em –pen for m-." Why? The light was too bright, it hurt, and he still didn't even know who these people were, or what they were doing to him…

"Com- on, show m- thos- big br-wn ey-s, hun" Why, though? They obviously already saw them; they just said what colour they were, and why was forming words so hard? It had never been this hard to make a sound before had it? I mean he's shy yea, but he could still talk…

"Wha'?" Wow… that was actually really hard… and surprisingly exhausting… he was so tired…

"Com- on no sle-pin-, -our on the –ay to the hos-ital, hun" What? Why was he going to the hospital? _That explains why the lights were so bright though…_ But wait, what about Rufioh? Rufioh was going to pick him up so they could go to dinner… where was Rufioh? Had they even called him yet? Surely they would, Rufioh was his legal guardian after all…

"Ruf'oh…?" Surely someone would be able to tell him where his brother was?

"Wha- was tha-, hun? Jus- res- we'r- almos- th-re" What? Their voice was starting to sound far way again… and everything was going all numb and fuzzy again… he had to try one last time…

"m' Bro'her…" Well that was his last ditch effort… he was too tired, it was all warm now… the fuzziness and numbness and warmth was too much, he was too tired… he was falling asleep again… another nap wouldn't matter right? He was just so sleepy… sorry… Rufioh… g'night…

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep-_

* * *

_Ow._ Why does he hurt? Where is he? _It smells like cleaner… the hospital? What was that beeping noise?_ Prying his eyes open took so much effort, why? Had it always taken that much effort to open his eyes? Looking around there was a lot of white… a lot… oh and he figured out where the beeping came from, _a heart monitor?_ A rustling noise caught his attention and he slowly turned his head to see what it was… _Rufioh? What happened?_ His brother was stretched out awkwardly, sleeping in the uncomfortable looking hospital chair that they always had in every room. He tried to make a noise and reach for his brother but all that came out was a quiet pained whimper, must've been enough though_, Rufioh is a heavy sleeper that usually would have never woken him up…_

"Tav? Y'u 'wake?" Gosh he sounded tired, his words were all slurred, when did he last get a good night of sleep? He looked pretty scruffy too, when did he last get a shower? But talking wasn't really working at the moment and all that came out was another little whimper

"Thank god Tav, I-I, I thought I was gonna lose you t-too," Was Rufioh crying? Why? Rufioh doesn't ever cry! What happened? Why did Rufioh look so upset? He was right here, he was ok.

"I'm so sorry, Tavros, I'm so, so sorry…" What? Why was Rufioh sorry? He wasn't there, he didn't do anything… god thinking hurt, everything hurt, well his legs still felt kinda numb, but he didn't really have the energy to look and see why at the moment, he tried to reach for Rufioh's hand but that just resulted in his fingers twitching a little and another whimper, but Rufioh is nothing if not a good big brother, so of course Rufioh realized what he wanted and held his hand as he mumbled quietly to try and soothe his older brother's worries as he fell asleep…

"S'ok… Ruf'oh… s'not… 'ur… fa'lt…"

* * *

It took another three days before he realized why Rufioh had been so upset… _Oh... that's why he was so upset… _and why he could barely look at him without breaking down with guilt…he kept blaming himself, thinking he failed as the one responsible for him…

Whatever had happened had cost him his legs, he had been left with from just above his knees up, however, where his knees had once been and below were completely gone… it was hard to look at, he wasn't really sure how to feel about it at first, he kinda felt… detached when he first saw the bandaged nubs that were his legs… that lasted another day or so, and then, he had broken down, it started with just single random tear and then they had just kept coming until he ended being scooped up into Rufioh's arms as the older settled onto the bed to hold him as he struggled with the realization of all that he had really lost… the two of them had stayed like that for almost another whole 24 hour period, Tavros sobbing brokenly and Rufioh crying silently as he held the young boy, but neither really cared, they had both needed it.

He was in the hospital for a total of three and a half weeks, and after he spent the first three and a half weeks of his summer in the hospital, he was sent home with a brand new physiotherapy schedule… he hated it. He spent the rest of his summer in physiotherapy, curled up in a ball in his bed either sleeping or crying, and curled up on the couch with Rufioh. His summer pretty much constituted entirely of the two of them learning how to live with his new handicap. He didn't talk to any of his friends either, he wasn't sure how to deal with that yet, so he shut off his phone and his computer for the summer and refused to see any of them, or let Rufioh tell anybody of the new development, he doubted any one really noticed his falling off the face of the planet… however, Kurloz begged to differ, the older Makara brother was the only person other than Rufioh, and his therapist and doctors obviously, that he allowed to see him or talked to that summer.

Kurloz was probably the best person to go to when it came to dealing with a loss like his, see, Kurloz Makara was mute, but he wasn't born mute, he lost the ability to speak in a fight with his father, when his throat was damaged, the same fight that left Gamzee with his scars, their mother dead, their father on death row, and Kurloz with custody of Gamzee. Kurloz spent quite a bit of time over at their house that summer, and although he hated it, he kept his word and never told Gamzee what had happened or that he had been over to the Nitram household and seen the boy. Tavros really couldn't handle the thought of Gamzee knowing what happened and was terrified of rejection from the clown, and while Kurloz had repeatedly assured him it would never happen, still he refused to believe it, isolating himself instead.

* * *

God he was nervous… this was going to be so bad he just knew it, after absolutely no contact with or any word on the boy for the entire summer, he was going to just show up on the first day of the new school year, his first day of high school no less, in a wheelchair with most of his legs gone… his friends were gonna just love this… He was absolutely terrified of what they were going to say… He was currently trying to sink down in his wheelchair hoping to disappear into thin air, however this only led Rufioh to stop pushing him every few minutes to reach down and lift him back up from beneath his armpits… Rufioh did this wordlessly, rather, choosing to continue rambling about the movie they watched the other day… But that's only because Rufioh knew how nervous he was about seeing his friends for the first time since his accident after completely isolating himself from them the entire summer…

Since they lived within walking distance of the local high school, Rufioh had chosen to push Tavros there rather than taking him by car... As the front of the school loomed closer and closer he could feel his breathing increase as his anxiety continued to build, and just as he was about to go into a full blown anxiety attack, something warm and soft fell upon his head, smelling suspiciously like Rufioh's cologne… _Oh._ It had taken him a minute to realize what had been dropped on his head was Rufioh's favourite hoodie with the Taurus symbol on the front, the same hoodie that he had spent the summer curl up in as his personal security blanket, he wasn't sure how it still smelled like Rufioh after a summer of him wearing it, but he was eternally glad that it did, it's part of what made it him feel better when he wore it. Rufioh said nothing about it as Tavros pulled the too large hoodie on, only ruffling his Mohawk affectionately as he gave a small smile in thanks and leaned slightly into his brother's hand.

"Here we are little one, you sure your gonna be okay?," Rufioh asked protectively, as they walked up to the front of the school, seeing his friends sitting in a circle on the grassy area in front of the school, having not noticed the boy's arrival yet

"I-I think so… g-gotta face it s-sooner or later, right?" He replied nervously, chewing on his bottom lip and fidgeting with his hand in his lap, watching his friends chat happily

"Attaboy, you want me to push you over there, or do you wanna do it yourself?" Rufioh asked shooting his brother a supportive smirk and a raising his eyebrow in questioning

"Uh… I, uh, I got it, but, um, Thanks Rufioh… for everything," he replied shyly as he blushed happily at his idol and brother's support of him

"Anytime little one, that's what big brothers are for. Text me if you need me, okay?," He grinned cheekily as he ruffled his hair one last time before turning to catch up with Kurloz, who gave him a small smile and wave as Rufioh hopped in the passenger seat of the older Makara's jeep, Kurloz had dropped Gamzee off just before they had arrived but had stuck around to give Rufioh a ride to work. Watching the two ride off in the jeep he turned back toward where his friends were, they had yet to notice him, and began to wheel himself over to where they were all situated across the grass, whispering quietly to himself,

"W-well, here g-goes nothing…"

* * *

_Three months._ That's how long it had been since anybody had heard from or seen Tavros… nobody had heard anything about the young Latino since then either… Gamzee had spent the summer wondering where his bro had gone… _Had something happened to him?_ He had promised to talk to him later on the last day of school, but he hadn't heard a peep from or about him all summer, it had hit him hard to know his bro had seemingly just up and vanished into thin air… He had spent his summer hanging out mostly with his best friend Karkat, but he'd found himself randomly crying for no clear reason quite often over the summer, he'd also spent a lot of time with Kurloz whenever he was home, the two of them had grown closer over the summer and while Kurloz seemed to notice his increased depression he never really commented on it, but he always looked like he knew more about what was going on than himself, but he never actually told Gamzee what he thought about it…

"The useless, pathetic baby probably killed himself… finally." Vriska sneered in disgust smirking darkly at the idea of Tavros killing himself, Gamzee glared murderously at her,

"thut up Vrithka, thath not funny," Sollux scowled darkly at the Scorpio, as the group turned to glare at the girl for implying that someone killing themselves was a good thing,

"Uh, h-hey guys…" a nervous voice stuttered from behind the group, _Tavbro!_, the group all whirled around to find the source of the voice only to be shocked into silence by the sight of the young brown eyed boy in a wheel chair, _He's back! _The relief that flooded Gamzee's person was like a tidal wave, he had never been so happy to see someone in his life, and suddenly things seemed a hell of a lot brighter in his life, but,_ What the motherfucking hell happened to his legs!? _Not that it really mattered to him, _I mean Kurloz is mute, so…_ to him Tavros would always be Tavros no matter what, and now that he was back everything seemed brighter, happier, his smile was real, and breathing was so much easier than it had been all summer…

"Ha! And here I thought you couldn't get any more pathetic than before!," Vriska laughed as she caught sight of the handicapped boy, Gamzee snarled as he clenched his fist and prepared to hit the Scorpio, _motherfucking heartless bitch! _The group stared in shock at the girls cold words as the Latino flinched violently at her words and his face showed his devastation at her comment

"What the motherfucking hell is your motherfucking problem?! You motherfucking bitch!" Gamzee growled as he started toward the girl, _how dare she say that about Tavros! About his bro! The most motherfucking miraculous thing on the motherfucking planet!, _Karkat and Sollux held the young clown back as Vriska laughed before turning and leaving the group, _he was going to motherfucking kill her! _A sniffle caught the Capricorns attention, causing him to turn towards the sound, only to find Tavros with his head hung in shame, trembling in his chair.

"Oh Tavbro…," Gamzee sighed as he leaned down to hug the boy tightly, feeling the trembling increase as the Latino clutched him back tightly, and the clown could hear the boy repeatedly mumbling soft apologies… _His heart felt like it was literally breaking… _

"C'mon, Tavbro, don't listen to that motherfucking cold-hearted spider-obsessed bitch, you're not pathetic, you're a motherfucking miracle! Like that motherfuckin' sweet elixir, Faygo!" he tried to reassure the younger boy fondly, _C'mon Tavbro, I need to see you smile, I hate seeing you cry, please smile, seeing you cry makes me feel shitty, even if it was her fault, _

"C'mon, Tav, don't listen to her, none of us think you're pathetic, you're our friend" he pleaded pulling back to look into the Latino's tear-filled eyes as he gently wiped the boys tears away with his thumbs and the ends of his sleeves to dry the boy's face off as the various members of their group chimed in their opinions to try to reassure the young boy

"You're not any more pathetic than you were before; in fact, you're just as pathetic as you've ever been." Karkat snorted dismissively, which considering it was Karkat; it was his equivalent of saying '_You're still the same person as before."_

"Jeez KK you thtink at comforting people... But, KK ith thorta right, you're not any leth of a perthon to uth now, than you were before." Sollux stated with a small shrug of his shoulders

"Yea Ta-fur-os! I still think you're paws-itively purr-fect!" Nepeta beamed as she attempted to pounce on the Taurus to hug him and curl up on his lap, only to be caught mid-leap by her bigger and older best friend Equius

"Nepeta, please, this behavior is reckless, you're going to end up hurting him even more…" The taller boy scolded as he held her up in the air by her waist where he caught her

"But Equius! Tav-fur-os needs a hug! And I won't hurt him! I'll be careful! Promise!" the young girl pouted as she tried to squirm her way out of the stronger boys grip

"Uh, I-it's ok, uh, Equius, she w-won't hurt me… Uh, actually, this, uh, happened, um, a w-while ago… so, um, yea… its h-healed enough that s-she won't, uh, bother me…" Tavros stuttered out nervously, the Sagittarius intimidated him quite a bit…

"See, Equius! So lemme go so I can give Ta-fur-os a hug!" the Leo grinned as she successfully wriggled her way out of the archer's arms and into the Latino boy's lap, curling up sideways to nuzzle the boys cheek with her own as she wrapped her arms around his neck to hug him, after a bit she loosened up so that her arms were wrapped loosely around his neck and shoulders and let her feet dangle off the side of his wheelchair as she fell asleep resting her head on one of his shoulders and nuzzling his neck lightly in her sleep

"Uh, N-nepeta?" Tavros squeaked, blushing lightly at the girl now asleep in his lap

"Heh. Good motherfuckin' luck wakin' her up Tavbro. Just let her have her little catnap, she'll wake up in a bit, plus, she looks pretty motherfuckin' comfy, think I can take a nap in your motherfuckin' miraculously comfy lap next?" Gamzee teased gently smiling cheekily as he winked at the Latino and his now bright red face, _God. He is just too motherfuckin' cute when he has that miraculously gorgeous blush of his…_ _Wait… Me and Tav are just bros, right?_

"Would anybody like to fill in the blind girl here?" Terezi questioned, cocking her head to the side as she used her walking cane to feel around the grass until she felt it hit the side of something metal sounding, using her cane she followed the structure up the side tapping it lightly, feeling as it changed from a hard metal sounding material to a soft almost squishy material that made a very faint soft patting sound when she tapped it, until she came to the top of, whatever it was, and gave it another firm tap

"Um, Terezi, you're, uh, h-hitting the top of my, uh, head with your, uh, cane…" Tavros mumbled quietly, unsure how to tell the blind girl he was rather close friends with that he could no longer walk and would be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life…

"Oh, well, why is your head so low today, Tav? Is it because of whatever you're on? What is it anyways? It felt pretty hard and sounded kinda like it was metal when I tapped it" the Libra questioned in what could only be innocent confusion, at least her version of it considering she couldn't actually see what everyone else could…

"Oh… um… d-do you remember the last t-time we, uh, hung out, Terezi?" Tavros stuttered, trying to figure out the best way to word his current situation

"At the park? When you and Vriska disappeared? Well Vriska came back eventually, but that was just to tell us she was leaving… you never came back, she said you had left, but then Rufioh came looking for you and nobody could find you, and then there were sirens, but Aridia never told me what happened, and neither did anyone else for that matter…" Terezi spoke aloud trying to recall exactly what had happened before trailing off thoughtfully

"Wait a motherfuckin' second. Are you telling me that motherfuckin' bitch had something to do with this!?" Gamzee growled murderously _He was going to motherfucking kill her, no motherfucking doubt about it. Tavros still looks like he's scared to tell Terezi about his handicap, he kinda views her as a sister almost, and I doubt she's going to take the news very well… Jeez._

"Wait, what are you guys talking about? I'm still a little lost here!" Terezi pointed out flailing her arms slightly and pointing to her eyes to emphasis her point as the rest of the group, save for Nepeta as she was still napping on Tavros' lap, watched the exchange between the Libra, Taurus, and Capricorn in interest, waiting to see how this would go and if they'd have to hold anybody back to prevent a fight

"Um, I, uh, I, I w-was in an a-accident…" Tavros mumbled nervously, just loud enough for the blind girl to hear him with her improved hearing due to her lack of sight

"What kind of accident Tavros? I can't practically smell your anxiety, just tell me what's wrong" Terezi asked, an almost affectionately worried tone to her voice as she rested her hands on either one of Tavros' cheeks to be able to 'see' his facial expression, letting her also feel the dried up tear marks there

"I, uh, I lost my legs, and, I, uh, I'm going to be in a, uh, w-wheel ch-chair f-from now on…" the Latino stuttered out as fresh tears began to well up in his eyes as he squeezed them shut tightly to try and prevent the tears from falling, but to no avail, Terezi wiped them away gently with her thumbs as they began to stream down his cheeks and against her fingers

"Shhh, Tav, it's ok, you'll be ok, I promise, you can get through this, we're all here for you and we'll help you, okay?" Terezi soothed as she hugged the boy to her chest, running her fingers through his Mohawk to calm the boy down

"T-thanks guys, t-this means a l-lot to m-me, t-that y-you guys d-don't see me a-any different, t-thank you guys s-so much" the Latino smiled shyly, drying his eyes on the sleeves of Rufioh's hoodie as Terezi, Aridia, and Feferi hugged him and Nepeta snuggled closer to the boy in her sleep, the guys all gave the youngest of them smirks and reassuring pats on the shoulder as Gamzee ruffled his Mohawk affectionately giving the boy a large cheeky grin

"Any motherfuckin' time, Tavbro, ain't that what the miracle of motherfuckin' friends are for?" Gamzee replied easily as he crossed his arms on top of the Latino's head, resting his chin atop them and leaning forward enough that he could peer down at the boy's face, _How could anybody motherfucking do something like this to Tavros? He wouldn't, couldn't, hurt a fly… He's just so motherfucking innocent and pure, like a ray of motherfuckin' sunshine, he's like a little motherfuckin' miracle… the biggest motherfuckin' one in my life anyways… I don't think I could've gone much motherfuckin' longer without him in my life, I mean I spent a motherfuckin' majority of my summer feeling like motherfucking shit, all alone and curled up in my bed motherfuckin' crying without him… wait… do … do I love Tavros? I do, don't I? This motherfuckin' explains everything… and motherfuckin' Kurloz knew it the whole time didn't he? He motherfuckin' realized exactly how I felt about Tavros a long time ago… and the motherfuckin' asshole never said a word or gave a hint… he really is a motherfuckin' asshole…_

* * *

**Elsewhere…**

Kurloz looked up glancing around the room; he could've sworn someone just called him an asshole… _I bet it was Gamzee finally realizing what I already knew a long time ago, that he loves that adorabull little Latino named Tavros Nitram..._ The older Makara smirked as he returned to his work, making a mental note to ask Gamzee about it later, and to tell Rufioh of course…

* * *

Gamzee's calling Kurloz a motherfuckin' asshole is just brotherly love at its finest…

Oh, and I referred to Equius as an archer once in here, it has to do with the fact that his symbol, Sagittarius, is called the archer (I only know this because that's actually my zodiac too…)

Holy motherfuckin' shit, bro. This ended up being like three motherfuckin' times longer than I originally intended… And only where Gamzee's point of view starts and after was originally intended to be written... There will be a companion piece to this, I dunno when yet, though… So keep a look out for it, and read and review motherfuckers! Honk! }:o)


End file.
